Becoming a stay at home...

So as you may have gathered, this year Danny and I have decided (after MUCH agonizing) that for our little growing family, the best thing is for me to not go back to work as a high school teacher, and instead to stay home with Aslan.  Oops, I mean Addison.  Their names are so similar! :)

But for real.  Before I even got married I knew that staying home with my (still fictional at that point) children was something I wanted to make a priority.  Danny agreed with this mindset and it's always been our goal.  However, when it came time to actually make this decision, it was a really hard one to make.  (See my previous post on it here)

Probably the strangest part has been the huge amount of lag-time between actually stopping work and the baby's arrival.  I decided not to even start this school year, since changing teachers 2 months into school is less-than-ideal for the students.  Our last day of school was June 5, which means I'll have a solid 4.5 months of being a stay at home mom... to our dog.  Of course this means I get to take cute pictures on my Macbook at 11:00am of him longing to be outside on a rainy day...

...but that I also have lots of time to think about how much I loved my school and my students, and how hard it is not to be there this year.  I may have mentioned this before, but I usually didn't even remember that I got paid to teach.  Of course I had hard days.  Last year was no piece of cake with 150 students (60 more than the previous year), three preps and combined levels in the same classroom two periods a day.  I got up at 5am, got home late most days, and had a few mini breakdowns, especially once it came time to grade midterm exams.  But I also felt like I was really where God wanted me, and He cultivated so many wonderful relationships and ministry opportunities with my students and coworkers that not a day went by that I didn't know He was using me.

Nowadays, that daily assurance that I'm a useful, contributing member of society and God's kingdom is less tangible.  I am sad not to be using the random ideas that come to my head ("Oh my gosh! That would be such an awesome way to practice the subjunctive!!"), I miss the hourly laughs and interactions with the kids, I miss lunches with my great teacher friends, and I miss heart-to-hearts with the students about their home lives or mean girls or crazy boyfriends.  I worry about my students' personal lives and worry about if they're learning how to converse comfortably in Spanish.  Ask me most days how I'm doing with not going back, and usually my answer will be accompanied with tears.  While I was only there for four years, I feel like so much of me is invested there, and a huge part of my heart is still in Room 16 on the East Wing.

However, I'd be wrong to say there aren't wonderful moments.  I cannot wait to meet our daughter - I think I'll feel quite differently about staying at home once she's here.  I'm so glad that I have this time to prepare mentally and spiritually.  I am so thankful for the extra time to help with house purchasing stuff, as well as packing for the move.  I also am excited to continue many of the relationships with my students, including 4 Junior girls who come for dinner and Bible study once a week (don't know if I could've done that while teaching... though I probably would have pushed the envelope!).  Last night, they dragged back a few more former students to hang out afterward, and Danny and I had a housefull of crazy teenagers playing Settlers of Catan and chasing a very sleepy Aslan until 11pm.  These are all wonderful blessings to one who is mourning the "loss" of teaching.

God is also still providing outlets for my teaching (and financial provision for the White House..) through my part time job at VT.  I am teaching a grad-level Methods of Teaching Foreign Languages class one night a week for Fall and Spring semesters, as well as supervising 7 student teachers.  The job so far has been a dream - very low key hours-wise, yet still gives me chances to be in the classroom, to get excited about teaching languages, and earn a little bit of income.  Danny and I are both so thankful for this!!

Time to stop.  I've gotta start writing briefer entries.  Next time will be short and sweet, promise!